A Memorial is technically a more formal service. It is an opportunity for relatives
and friends to console the grieving family and express personal condolences. Traditionally
such services are handled by a funeral parlor or mortuary, though new options are
becoming available. A memorial service or “funeral” may be non-
A Celebration of Life differs from a memorial primarily in terms of semantics. Technically a celebration honors the person’s life and accomplishments. It is generally less formal, more personal, and encourages a lighter perspective in relation to the transition. It provides time for family and friends to “remember what and when,” to have a laugh or two, shed a tear or two, and bless the deceased on their way. An Irish Wake, is a good example of a Celebration of Life, being a true celebration in
every sense of the word. Naturally,the degree of lightness one brings to such an occasion is entirely a personal matter.
Celebrations of Life can be performed at any time following the death – though usually within a year – if that is what the family desires. This is often beneficial for large family schedules and/or where
We live in a death intolerant culture. As a society we do not talk about death seriously and we are encourage by 1,000 different distractions not to think about it. As a result many people have no clear understanding of death and wind up frightened, distraught, and unprepared when death is finally unavoidable.
Death is actually an essential part of Life. When cells choose to live “forever” it
travel arrangements need to be considered. They are generally held in a location chosen by the family rather than a mortuary chapel or at the grave site.
In planning either service, please honor the wishes of the deceased. It is not uncommon for families who did not get along to completely disregard the last wishes of the deceased in favor of personal preferences. Consider how you would respond if the person were present, or if it were your wishes that were being given such little consideration.
Given modern society’s intolerance for death we rarely talk about or consider the subject until it is upon us. It is important to prepare in advance. There are many new options coming available that can save potentially extensive funeral costs. Ecological interment procedures are becoming more predominant and appealing. Explore what is available and take your time with an open mind and heart.
is called “cancer.” We die constantly in order to live. One age dies to the next as we grow. Our old ideas or opinions die to constantly renewed outlooks. The tissues of the body constantly die to allow new tissues to take their place, thus insuring us of flexibility and health. “Dying” is absolutely essential for living.
Thus the next question to consider becomes: what do you know about Life? Do you know what is 60 seconds away? How often do we make extensive plans, only to have our lives completely rearranged for us by some unforeseen change. In truth life is as much a mystery as death.
The fact of the matter is “death” is but the cessation of the body’s physiological function. It has no influence on the Spirit or consciousness of the individual. Death is simply a transition from one state to another. Is not birth also simply a transition from one physical state of being to another? The only difference is the meaning we attach to the words, the concepts we hold in our minds. Death and birth are one and the same.
If you are experiencing grief know that nothing is “wrong” with you.
Grief is a normal, natural, necessary response to significant change. It is associated with feelings of fatigue, sadness, apathy, disorientation, distraction, lethargy, potential anger, fluctuations of appetite, mood swings, inability to concentrate, fear, lapses of memory, disrupted sleep patterns, and LOTS of tears at random times for no apparent reason. These are all perfectly NORMAL responses. You are NOT “depressed”! You ARE a unique, feeling human being.
Recognize it is both normal and necessary to talk about what you are feeling. The urge to go over and over the same details, again and again– is the mind’s way of integrating the change you have experienced no matter what the nature of your sense of loss is. It is very important to find someone you trust who will be willing to listen, be understanding of your situation, and will allow you to cry without feeling they need to “fix” you. You DO NOT need to be “fixed.” If anything you need compassion and patience. You are going through a process of healing which is deeply personal and takes time.
and fear what we do not understand. We are taught to value “getting” and “possessing,” rather than “letting go” and “allowing.” We are occupied with the past and future, rather than enjoying the present moment. Modern society teaches all of us to value the physical, material world – a realm that does NOT and can NOT last. The true nature of Being IS change.
Grief reveals to us that what truly matters lies beyond the physical in the invisible: Peace, Joy, Beauty, Happiness, and Love. Spend time sharing and treasuring your memories, your experiences. These are what is truly have value.
The only certainty in grief is that nothing is certain. There is no fixed time table. Do NOT allow ANYONE to tell you when you “should” be done grieving! What you are experiencing is unique to you. NO ONE will necessarily understand what you are going through unless they have recently been through it themselves, especially doctors!
Communicate openly and honestly. Request and give understanding and patience. Be true to your self and open to developing new friends.
Grief is inviting you to embrace life anew. Your lack of preparedness is the result of our culture’s materialistic emphasis and preference for the myth of permanence. We do not like to admit how little we know
Depending on your preparation and background this is likely to be a very new experience.
You need to honestly open up to your feelings, some-
Be gentle and loving with your self and your process. It WILL pass. Grief is inviting you and those around you to new awareness of life. If your loved ones are uncomfortable with your grief, it is because they haven’t dealt with theirs.
What do you REALLY know about ‘death’? Stop and think about it. What do you actually “know”?
As a Grief Counselor the most beautiful, inspiring, and rewarding research I have
done is on the topic of near-
© Newton E. Bunce
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Grief (bereavement) is a very natural, normal response to significant change in life. It is also the most misunderstood and unappreciated experience we face. Today grief takes many forms – loss of property, position, work, funds, a significant relationship, or the death of a loved one. If you are dealing with issues of grief and need to talk to someone, please consider calling me. Contact me by phone and let’s arrange a convenient time for each of us to connect. I have worked as a hospice chaplain, grief counselor, and bereavement coordinator. As a chaplain I will meet you where you are regardless of personal belief or religious affiliation.
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